security guard
How To Deal With Security Guards Whilst Skateboarding

These guys are keeping you from your glory.

Some of you may have traveled all day to a spot. Shit – you probably couldn’t sleep all night because you worried that if you didn’t pull off your trick, you’re homies would be pissed they spent the whole day driving your ass to the spot.

And now it’s on lock down.

What DO you do?

1. Sexual Favors

Just kidding. Never whore yourself out for a trick. You can skip past #1 and move directly to #2.

2. Money

Most of these guys don’t get paid shit. As a matter of fact they should probably give up the gig entirely and start collecting cans. I’ve done that. You can make more money digging through the trash than at a minimum wage job (after taxes). Seriously. As a matter of fact, anyone with a minimum wage job – you need to get on this recycling thing. Work whenever, no bosses, no taxes, all cash. The glory is in the trash boys!

Anyway, if you’re trying for fame – it might be worth paying these guys off. $20 bucks to look the other way? $50? If he tells you it’s not worth his job – give him the recycling bit. Tell him how he could be making more recycling than being a security guard. Tell him about the tax break. Part of this is social engineering.

3. Booze & Smokes

Some of these guys don’t need much to keep them happy. Show up with some brews and cigs and you may just make their day. In this scenario you’re only in the hole ten bucks. And if that seems like a lot still – consider it’s going to cost your homie more in gas than that to get you there.

4. Distractions!

BOOM! KLANG! POW! – that’s called onomatopoeia. Words that describe comic book sounds.

So you have no cash, booze or cigs. Now it’s time to get A-Team style.

Hopefully you’re going in to do a quick banger. You know you got it on lock. It’s your go to trick or whatever. You just need a couple tries, 5 minutes max to get it down on film. This the perfect situation for the distraction technique.

Here are some simple distractions to get the security guard away from the spot.

  • Get Them To Help You Start Your Car (DVM – Disabled Vehicle Method) – Split your group up. You and the filmer hit the spot, while the driver and anyone else lures the guard over to the car. Unplug the spark plugs and tell him your car won’t start. If they don’t want to help you, ask him if you can use his cell phone to call AAA. You can opt to set up the distraction by popping the hood ahead of time.
  • “Help! My Friend Is Getting ______” – Create some sort of urgent situation around the corner. You can do this one a few ways. For instance, have some buddies fake wrestling on the ground away from the spot. Let the guard try to break up the altercation. That usually wastes a good 5 to 10 minutes.
  • Just Make Noises – This is kind of retarded but it’s super fun. Just start banging trash cans together around the corner. Make such a ruckus he has to go see what is going on. When he asks WTF you’re doing – tell him you’re doing a performance art bit for class – and that he’s helping you graduate. Everyone likes to contribute to someone’s future. Use that line: “Would you like to contribute to my growth and future as an artist?”

Actually THIS REMINDS ME of a GREAT STORY

We had this kid riding on our team years ago. His name is Matt Bublitz. His dad took him to El Toro to board slide that monster 20. His dad was filming him. And on his second try a guard came to kick them out. He told his son to “Go for it now” and then turned to confront the guard and gave him some magical spiel and Matt actually landed it while his dad blabbered some gibberish to the guard! Then they ran off stoked.

5. Tell Him He Has Been Relieved

This one obviously requires someone older in your group that is a great actor.

Come in a suit, tie, dress shoes – the whole bit. Create some laminated identification of your choice. Approach the guard with this line:

“I’m with the [school administration, property management, event staff]. We’re doing a special event today and we’re going to have some film crews in and they have their own security staff. You can take the rest of the day off. Call this number if you have any questions.”

Give em your friend’s number on a card. Record a message on his voicemail with something like:

“You’ve reached the office of ___________. We’re not available to take your call right now. Please leave your name, number and the best time to get a hold of you. On [say the date] we’re having a film crew on site. If you’re with security, please leave your badge or ID number in your message. We’ve arranged this with your firm and you’ll be paid for today.”

Viola! Problem solved. The dude is going to take a hike.

Got any tricks up your sleeve? Let us know in the comments.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *